I'd like to make the world a better place, but they won't give me the source code.

Q: How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
A: Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it

A programmer to his friends (also programmers):

"I met a hot girl last night. I brought her home and we began kissing furiously. I sat her on the keyboard and ..."

"You've got a computer at home? What's the CPU?"

A son asked his father(a programmer) why the sun rises in the east, and sets in the west. His response?

It works, don't touch!

a genie

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”

“Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”

“Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”

“Um, let me see that map again.”