Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp.

genie

but only one wish

"I'd want peace in the Middle East."

The genie responds

I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.

"Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes."

the genie responds, "Um, let me see that map again."

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

"Where'd you get that?"

"While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want'."

"Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."